In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
Lenny Bruce
- More quotations by Comedian
Lenny Bruce quotes
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
A lot of people say to me, "Why did you kill Christ?" "I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know." "We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him."
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
Communism is like one big phone company.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are - it's "Look at me, Ma!" It's acceptance, you know - "Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma." And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.
There are never enough I Love You's.
Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an "act" and he told the audience, "This is my act." Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
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