There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld quotes
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
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