Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns
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George Burns quotes
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
At my age flowers scare me.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
How can I die? I'm booked.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
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