Fran Lebowitz quotes
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
You're only has good as your last haircut.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
My favorite animal is steak.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
This is not a tough job. You read a script. If you like the part and the money is O.K., you do it. Then you remember your lines. You show up on time. You do what the director tells you to do. When you finish, you rest and then go on to the next part. That's it.
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.