Bob Hope quotes
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.