Art Buchwald quotes
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.
Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
I worship the quicksand he walks in.
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope."
People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.